On The Way Of The Creator

Is it your wish, my brother, to go into solitude? Is it your wish to seek the way to yourself? Then linger a moment, and listen to me.
"He who seeks, easily gets lost. All loneliness is guilt" - the speaks the herd. And you have long belonged to the herd. The voice of the herd will still be audible in you. And when you will say, "I no longer have a common conscience with you," it will be a lament and an agony. Behold, this agony itself was born of the common conscience, and the last glimmer of that conscience still glows on your affliction.
But do you want to go the way of your affliction, which is the way to yourself? Then show me your right and your strength to do so. Are you a new strength and a new right? A first movement? A self-propelled wheel? Can you compel the very stars to revolve around you?
Alas, there is so much lusting for the heights! There are so many convulsions of the ambitious. Show me that you are not one of the lustful and ambitious.
Alas, there are so many great thoughts which do no more than a bellows: they puff up and make emptier.
You call yourself free? Your dominant thought I want to hear, and not that you have escaped from a yoke. Are you one of those who had the right to escape from a yoke? there are some who threw away their last value when they threw away their servitude.
Free from what? As if that mattered to Zarathustra! But your eyes should tell me brightly: free for what?
Can you give yourself your own evil and your own good and hang your own will over yourself as law? Can you be your own judge and avenger of your law? Terrible it is to be alone with the judge and avenger of one's own law. Thus is a star thrown out into the void and into the icy breath of solitude. Today you are still suffering from the many, being one: today your courage and your hopes are still whole. But the time will come when solitude will make you weary, when your pride will double up and your courage gnash its teeth. And you will cry, "I am alone!" The time will come when that which seems high to you will no longer be in sight, and that which seems low will be all-too-near; even what seems sublime to you will frighten you like a ghost. And you will cry, "All is false!"
There are feelings which want to kill the lonely; and if they do not succeed, well, then they themselves must die. but are you capable of this - to be a murderer?
My brother, do you know the word "contempt" yet? And the agony of your justice - being just to those who despise you? You force many to relearn about you; they charge it bitterly against you. You came close to them and yet passed by: that they will never forgive. You pass over and beyond them: but the higher you ascend, the smaller you appear to the eye of envy. But most of all they hate those who fly.
"How would you be just to me?" you must say. "I choose your injustice as my proper lot." Injustice and filth they throw after the lonely one: but, my brother, if you would be a star, you must not shine less for them because of that.
And beware of the good and the just! They like to crucify those who invent their own virtue for themselves - they hate the lonely one. Beware also of the holy simplicity! Everything that is not simple it considers unholy; it also likes to play with fire - the stake. And beware also of the attacks of your love! The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters. To some people you may not give your hand, only a paw: and I desire that your paw should also have claws.
But the worst enemy you can encounter will always be you, yourself; you like in wait for yourself in caves and woods.
Lonely one, you are going the way to yourself. And your way leads past yourself and your seven devils. You will be a heretic to yourself and a witch and soothsayer and fool and doubter and unholy one and a villain. You must wish to consume yourself in your own flame: how could you wish to become new unless you had first become ashes!
Lonely one, you are going the way of the creator: you would create a god for yourself out of your seven devils.
Lonely one, you are going the way of the lover: yourself you love, and therefore you despise yourself, as only lovers despise. The lover would create because he despises. What does he know of love who did not have to despise precisely what he loved!
Go into your loneliness with your love and with your creation, my brother; and only much later will justice limp after you.
With my tears go into your loneliness, my brother. I love him who wants to create over and beyond himself and thus perishes.
This spoke Zarathustra.

It's Alive!

In the immortal words of Dr. Frankenstein, "it's alive, It's ALIVE!". Thankfully, I didn't predict my own death, as I concerned myself with in my first post. My heart hasn't stopped beating, my anger hasn't subsided, my passion is large as can be, and my fingers aren't yet bloodied.

So, I suppose a question I need to ask myself now is, what the hell am I going to write about?

Of all my interests and opinions, narrowing a blog down to one general theme or topic will certainly prove difficult. I glanced briefly through some of the "self-help-first-time-blogger-topic-suggestion blogs" that can be found throughout the interwebs, and quite honestly, it bored me. Being that I'm not aiming this at some kind of particular demographic, nor doing it for recognition, I can rant about anything I damn well please. FREEDOM! Perhaps I'll find my way the longer I continue to do this. Perhaps I'll decide to focus upon one topic or another, but as for now, why bother? My "way" tends to be a mixture of chaos and insanity as it is, so...why would I put some social restraint on myself when it's a personal blog anyhow? Reading what all of the professional bloggers suggest as a formula or format to make things easier for those reading is pointless, and against my idea of life and art.

Of all my interests, all of the places I've been and seen...there's surely enough fodder I can entertain myself with. I wonder though, if one of the reasons I'm doing this is to piece together my life, should I subscribe to some formula? Alphabetical? Chronological? Nah...again I remind myself that chaos is a common factor in my life, and life in general. If I'm to piece it all together, trying to do so in an orderly fashion, and succeeding, sort of negates my entire purpose. If I could do that, why would I feel the need to piece things together at all?

So, until next time, if there is one...

Life is chaos, embrace it.

To Blog Or Not To Blog

...that is the question. Considering the fact that I am writing this, my answer is obvious. of Of course this may change when I complete my first entry, if not before. Then again, I may continue until I take my dying breath, assuming of course I'll live long enough to see and/or own the technology that will allow me to simply speak my thoughts and have them recorded as such. Yes, I know such technology exists, but I don't have it currently, nor do I feel the need for it.

Of course, after writing the above I just glanced to the top right of my screen and noticed a link that reads "Voice Posting". Will wonders ever cease? With a paid account, I can simply call in an entry. Quickly, my thoughts have now changed to the fact that I'm also lying in bed. Did I just predict my own death? Will I die suddenly after I post this entry? I'm two paragraphs in and already the question has changed from whether or not to blog...to writing one continuous blog if for no other reason than to stay alive. Damn you technology, damn you overactive imagination, and damn myself for being what may turn out as the one hit wonder of blogging prophets.

I suppose I might as well attempt to say a few things before finding out if in fact death is waiting for me at the click of a button. The original purpose of this entry was to help me decide if I actually want to start blogging. Should I consider a series of logical questions in order to make a rational decision? Should I just say screw it, and bloody my fingers upon the keyboard as a "healthy" way to vent my frustrations? I'll likely do both.

Debating why people blog is probably pretty unoriginal. Considering I don't read or subscribe to any blogs currently, I'm certainly no expert on the matter. I'm gong to sum it up for myself briefly, and move on. People blog to have a voice and leave a mark, even if it's little more than a digital teardrop in a cyber ocean. The ease and the ability to have a global voice via the Internet is remarkable, and for better or worse, everyone whom has something to say is going to say it. Before I go off on a rage filled tangent with regard to the abuse found online, I'll leave it at that; people blog to leave a mark, to be heard.

I don't honestly believe that's what I'm doing, because I don't expect to garner a following. The chances that anyone will read my ramblings are slim to none, considering the vast amount of professional blogs with much more elaborate and specific agendas than I have. I do believe however, my motivation is still relatively selfish, perhaps a needed and inexpensive form of therapy. When I was younger I wrote often, and as the days go on I realize my youth is fading in the distance. Perhaps it's a last ditch effort to grasp a hold of failing memories, random thoughts, and raging opinions, in order to find some semblance of a life not wasted. Yet, I must consider it may also serve to remind me that there is so much yet undone, and I better get to it. II think it would be very difficult to forgive myself for a life that has been wasted.

Though, who knows, this may be the last thing I write. If the prophecy is true, I better make a decision now. Life wasted? Life lived well? Definitely both.